learning to live, living to love

I probably start a blog at least once a week, and I either don't finish it, or I think what I've written is lame. Therefore, it does not get published.  Here's another shot at it.

I think my issue is a long lasting fear of embarrassing myself or sounding stupid.  I'm still quiet, but as I've gotten older...and more mature? maybe?....I've found that I am a little more confident in myself, and I speak out more and more.  I think I'll always fear sounding stupid and embarrassing myself.

Maybe that's why I work with kids. They like being silly, and it's ok to sound stupid.  You just laugh. No embarrassment...just laughter.  Plus the kids move on to something else so quickly that they forget whatever you did that was embarrassing.

I have to say, there is nothing like walking into a room of 10+ 3 and 4 years old to hear "Miss Mary!!" at the top of their lungs.  Pure love. Unconditional love.  Even if you make them mad...1 minute later, they love you still and are persistently asking you to sit by them or give them a hug or high five or telling you some off the wall story about going to eat at McDonald's and getting an awesome Buzz Light Year toy or the dinosaur movie they watched ten times last night.

I cannot wait to be a mom....(sorry Timmy...it's out there...but you already know this). I'm getting little glimpses of God's love through Timmy and through these kids at work.  I mean, I realize more and more each day how much I love Timmy, and how much I love my family.  They mean the world to me!  I can only imagine a parents' love for a child.

I remember being in high school and the thought of "love" seemed like such a fairy tale to me.  It was knights and princesses, and ballgowns and pearls.  But as I have grown and experienced love, I have realized that the fairy tale has nothing to with it. Love is putting someone else before yourself. It's leaving that last piece of bread on the table because someone else may still be hungry. Love is listening. Love is watching your spouse play XBox for 2 hours. Love is understanding that it is OK for your spouse not to want to watch you play XBox for 2 hours and to do two separate things.  There is sacrifice in love, but when you both contribute that sacrifice...beautiful things happen.  Love is still so much more. More than I can put into words.


I am so incredibly grateful.  I am loved.